Fun Facts Friday everybody.
Time to get a little personally. Something that I rarely to. If you’ve been following my blog or on twitter than you know I’m not that much of a talker. At least not about myself. Most people that I’ve been speaking to or interacting with don’t know my name. Yes that is so bad especially if I know theirs. I think it’s so ingrain in me to keep private about myself that I don’t give my name but I’m learning day by day to be more open.
Before you say it no I’m not paranoid or anything like that—more reserved in nature. Hints the “Shy Girl Who Loves Books” tagline. I’m really a shy person by default but also anxiety and depression plays a role. It’s sort of a vicious cycle.
I’m depress because of my anxiety, which hinders my everyday life because I’m not good with crowds. At least when I’m by myself which is strange because when I was growing up I was traveling on the train at the age of ten to Queens from Manhattan. So in all honesty I don’t know when this bout of anxiety started. I guess at the end of High School.
Anyways, I can say that it’s annoying and sad when your anxiety is so bad that it keeps you in the house for days or weeks at a time. When it keeps you from making social interaction with people—in real life. Not over/through the internet.
It makes you feel less than. Not normal. Defective. Return to sender.
I know but this is the way I feel at times. I’m in my head a lot. Sometimes it’s a good thing. Sometimes it’s a bad thing. A really bad thing when the negative thoughts take whole. Yes I’ve thought about suicide. It’s a constant battle.
I’m just so thankful for books. Although I know the depression is worse because my reading has been non-existent. Yeah it’s called faking it. I’ve read maybe two books this month. The only reason why I have reviews up is because I’ve read most of those books in advance. So when my reading is down my battle with depression is bad because reading keeps me sane.
I guess now it’s time to make that doctor appointment even though my anxiety at the moment is keeping me stationary.
Me and medicine don’t have a good relationship. I barely take aspirin unless I have a major migraine/headache. Still it would be better to talk to someone instead of letting this fester.
Well that’s it for now. This is as far as I’m going for now. This was a lot for me to reveal. I’m hoping a book on my shelf peak my interest.